Questions I ask a life partner

I find that my relationships with others often teach me tremendously about my relationship with my self, and vice versa.

The last several months have effected a growth spurt of sorts within me -- complete with growing pains and blemishes -- which left me sometimes staggering, as some parts had grown disproportionately large and exceedingly fast in relation to others (e.g., my heart has gotten immeasurably great, as my ego mind shrunk). I stumbled around awkwardly in the beginning, testing my gait and finding my footing. And now I walk steady, chin up, confident and secure in my self.

Earlier today, I found myself wondering if my current life partner is on the same wavelength as me. 

It's the kind of thing that happens naturally when one party undergoes a deep metamorphosis -- they look back, wondering if their partner walked with them through the flames, and if s/he survived intact, wrought stronger and more beautiful, or was left weakened and crippled by the pyre. 

I find that it's fair for me to ask my life partner the same questions I've asked myself in these challenging months. 

So I put the questions to him, as I do any other potential partner:

What are your dreams and goals in life? 

Are they material or immaterial? What are your immaterial dreams, goals, and desires? How do you seek them?

I want to know what moves you to stir from a semi-conscious slumber each morning -- your raison d'etre. 

I want to know what air you breath when you're seemingly drowning under water, caught up in the cacophony of a million mundane, mindless things "to do." 

I want to know when, if ever, you stop and just breathe, and ask yourself what all of this is for. 

I want to know what kind of person you want to be, and how you go about actualizing that person. 

I want to know how your measure your "success" in life, what it means for you to have succeeded. 

I want to know what your compass looks like, what it's made of, and what direction it points in.

I care about this because I awaken each day to think, feel and act out of place of unconditional love toward others. I want to bring as much joy into this world as is humanly possible. I want to live as selflessly as possible, and give the world as much of my talents as is humanly possible. I want to build, I want to create, saturated in unconditional love. I want to share the joy that bursts forth from my soul with others, especially those who find themselves in pain, in the dark. I want to be a teacher of life and of art. I want to help children and older people. I want to be a community leader and anchor. I want to bring people together to work towards the health and betterment of the local or global community, be it on a social, physical, or spiritual level. 

I want to "laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because [I] have lived." 

I want to do these things, and so I am doing these things today, as I do every day. I am working every day to make my vision a reality. I want a life partner who nurtures my talents and encourages me to pursue these gifts, as I do in my relationships with others.

So I ask, what are your innermost dreams and desires? Tell me of the fire that burns in your heart -- tell me what it is made of, and what it burns for.

Do you love and respect yourself, unconditionally?

I want to know if you love and respect yourself -- not if you love and respect me, but yourself, first and foremost. 

I want to know if you love all of you, or only the parts of that are convenient to love and be attached to. 

I want to know how you love the whole of yourself, perfect in its imperfection.

I want to know if your love for yourself is conditional, dependent on your status in life, what you do, who you are with, what you earn, or what others tell you you are? 

I want to know if you need anyone else's love, acceptance, or approval in order to love, accept, and approve of yourself.

I want to know if you love yourself, even when no one is looking. 

I wonder if you want to create something higher with your life, to develop a relationship with your Higher Self, and to share of your gifts and talents with others.

I found that my sacred space isn't a place that you can think or act yourself into. It is the place which is available to you here, and now.

What is your sense of spirituality? Are you a spiritual person?

I want to know whether you are a seeker. 

I want to know what it is that you seek. 

I want to know about how and when you feel connected with your fellow man. 

I want to know what it is like for you when you feel god, and where it is that you feel god most often. 

I want to know about your spiritual practices, if any, and how you choose to grow in your spirituality, if at all.

I want to know how important your spirituality is to you as a human being and as a citizen of humanity. 

I want to know how important it is that you surround yourself with others pursuing a spiritual path. 

I want to know if you choose to live in accordance with the divine creative energy of the greater whole. 

I care about this because my own practical sense of spirituality is my life's keystone, and I need a partner who is also willing and capable of growing along spiritual lines. I am a seeker today, and I have always been a seeker -- everything from reading ancient sacred/spiritual texts to kirtan to drum circles to the daily practice of prayer and meditation, among many others --  although in past times I have not prioritized my spiritual growth and development (and often suffered as a result). 

I feel connected with my fellow man in every single moment of "now," in the divine present, nearly every moment of every single day. I find my spirituality in every mindful moment, in each period of prayer and meditation, in each act born of divine creative energy and love, no matter how simple or complex. My practice of mindfulness is strong and steady, and has been for years now. I am Love, and I have always been Love.

Wherein lies your sense of spirituality? What does your spirituality look like?

Are you a healthy, whole independent person unto yourself? 

Do you create a beautiful life independently, for yourself, and then seek to share in the co-creative vision of an equal partner?

I want to know if you feel as though you are perfectly whole, complete unto yourself. 

I want to know if you are seeking a relationship that enhances your strengths, brings you closer to your life goals, and adds more joy to an already joy-filled life. 

I want to know whether you need me, or any relationship, in order to feel functional and whole as a person, or whether you are already healthy and whole yourself. 

I care about this because I am a healthy, strong, whole, and independent woman, perfect in her imperfections, passionate about living a full and creative life, and complete unto myself. I want a life partnership that adds value to my life above-and-beyond what I can create on my own accord. I want a life partnership that enhances my already beautiful life. I don't need any one person or persons to fill some internal void -- I look inward to see the god within and find myself complete in divine perfection -- and I need my partner to be whole as well.

Do you need someone outside of you to fill something that is lacking within yourself, or have you found your own Divine Creative Energy? 

Are you capable and willing of being in an equal life partnership? 

Do you want to be an equal life partner? Or do you prefer an imbalanced relationship vacillating among some myriad of extremes -- dependence and independence, domination and submission, the need be caretaker and the need to be taken care of? 

I want to know if you want your partner to be your true equal, if you could handle sharing the pursuit of life's bliss, or if you always have to manage, lead, or be in charge. I want to know if you want to see eye-to-eye with your life partner, and whether you see eye-to-eye with me today, especially as you read this missive.

I care about this because it's important for me to feel empowered in contributing positively to my life partnership. I want to know both that I am putting something fundamentally good into the relationship, and getting something out of it in return. I want to love and care for my life partner, deeply and unconditionally, and to be loved and cared for in return, deeply and unconditionally. I want be both the muse and the creative, as my life partner is both my muse and my creative. I want to co-create with a life partner who values my thoughts, ideas, feelings, and opinions as honestly and robustly as I do theirs. 

I am willing and capable of building an equal life partnership, founded in the healthy loving relationship I have with myself. Where do you stand?

Do you challenge yourself to develop and grow as a human being? 

Do you want to be encouraged and pushed to evolve?

I want to know whether you can tolerate discomfort or uncomfortability for the sake of psychospiritual and intrapersonal growth. 

I want to know if you push yourself to grow.

I want to know how you, in turn, can support your partner's growth and development. 

I care about this because I have grown through my own pain and suffering. I want my partner to bring out in me my Highest Self. I want a life partner who nurtures my true, valuable talents and passions. I want my partner to ask me to be more patient, more kind, more loving, more tolerant, more giving, to the best of my ability, and to the greatest of my capacity.  

In turn, I foster the growth and development of my partner by encouraging them to grow and develop into their Highest Self -- whatever that means for that individual. Sometimes that means asking difficult questions and deep, non-judgemental listening. Sometimes sans discourse, a hug can hold more encouragement than a word... 

What pushes your evolution? Do you want continue to evolve, or are you already "there," are you already "evolved," stagnant in what is comfortable and familiar?

Are you ever evolving, anchored in the present moment? 

Do you instead lie dormant, asleep, choosing to steep in negative emotions and circular thoughts? Does you mind fall back, consumed in the past, or does it travel aimlessly into the future? Or are you mindful of the present moment, more often than not? Are you a truly conscious being?

I want to know about your process. 


I have so many questions that I want to ask of you.

I want you to ask me your own questions. 


I want so badly to connect and talk and understand. 

Who are you? 

Where are you? 

Will you take my hand, and join me in this journey?

Where do we go from here?

| eye to eye (looking inward, looking out)