Reflecting Self in Physical Connection AKA Sex as Medicine

Neither one of us knew that the moon was nearly full. Each moment between us brimmed full, too, pregnant with possibility. 

Just 24 hours prior we were two well-acquainted strangers who had been soul gazing for a some number of years, months, or an eternity, depending on how one fancies slicing the illusion of time. But in one brief moment of serendipity the day before, our paths crossed yet again — BAM! an inflection point. They shyly and boldly handed me their phone number, and I got in touch. 

<Click.>

Here we are.

—

I have explored this hidden canyon a handful of times. Today we are taking a more adventurous route in, scrambling over the fins. I remembered my first walk down the wash back in October of last year...  

Then, in a single moment, I drop out of memories, out of the mind, and into eternity — fast and hard — just like I did the moment we first locked eyes, and in every moment thereafter. 

I appreciate the depth and spaciousness of a landscape unparsed into discrete objects. I appreciate the spaciousness of our connection unfettered by mentalizing, cogitating... agitating. 

The only potential agitation present (still completely unrealized) is the electrical differential between us – the palpable polarity I sense with every iota of my Being. Words between us rise and fall with waves of sandstone and breeze, not too many and not too few, easy as breath, flowing effortlessly, ebbing softly between stillness and form. 

—

We stop at the top to take it all in. There's so much Light. It's all here, it's all whole, it's all perfect; there's nothing left to add, and nothing left to take away; everything is no-thing, everything is nothing. 

—

We're physically close as the winds are whipping your long hair into an entangled mess alongside and inseparable of mine.

I gaze into your oceanic eyes ablaze by the sun on a seamlessly blue sky. I'm lost and found and falling into your infinite soul.

I don't even know where my awareness ends and yours begins. 

I don't even know if words are happening. 

But sound, soft and gentle and earnest, is happening. 

And I’m drowning, happily drunk in your endless eyes, welcoming the Beloved.

And here you are, reflecting me, beautifully and wholly and clearly.

I see You, seeing me, and see my Self therein. 

Here, now, there is no separation; in fact, it never occurred. 

My body lights up electric the moment our lips brush, little bitty kisses whispering with gentle winds eternal. You're so soft, and so solid, and so strong. Your spirit is so beautiful. Fuck. I want to linger here with our fingertips entwined forever. And in this perfect moment, I do. 

Something tells me we've both been here before. And nowhere. And here we are again.

And we're standing too close to the edge in this particular configuration of spacetime.

Yes, falling off the fins is physically dangerous. 

Let's keep moving. 

Just some more easy fourth class scrambles into the wash. 

—

We're standing at the pour off, the birds serenading this symphony of existence, and flowing like water ever-washing the sands of time. 

How is this reality? How is any of this real? This is too beautiful for thoughtforms, let alone words. 

We're naked in the sand, simultaneously fluid and firm, hot and cool. Our bodies know this ancient dance of creation.

Are those your echoes reverberating within the canyon walls, or mine? 

Who is shivering? 

Are you within me, or am I within you?

I'm dissolving into nothing and everything, both, fully and completely, and all at once.

I know we're deep in this conversation, singing the timeless song. We're co-creating, collaborating, co-authoring this chapter right now, and in real time. We are primal, we are animal; we are infinite, we are spirit; we are uncontradicted, simply lit up from root to crown and unto the Void.

Wait, are there words happening? Fuck, it’s cold. We should go. So we go.

I feel like I'm in a dream. 

I know all of this is a dream. 

I'm in a waking dream of the most epic proportions, awake and aware and in awe of it ALL.

I AM THE MAGIC | YOU ARE THE MAGIC | WE ARE THE MAGIC

Everything is magic.

—

Today, I remember slash learn a few things from direct experience:

I remember that I prefer this connective, connected, and connecting embodied experience to the magnificent, infinite peace of The Void.

I remember that I need exactly THIS with my future long-term partner, I need this openness of Spirit, I need this intangible "It" betwen us: I need not only to see the Beloved in the form of my partner, but to be seen as the Beloved by them in return (!), and I need this reflection of a serial, infinite Beloved mirrored back to me ad infinitum. Let's get eternally lost in one another's eyes and in the radiant beauty of our Soul's Home.   

I remember that in partnership, I need this It, manifest as uninhibited lovingkindness that matches my own. The giving and receiving of Love through unfettered awareness, in deep presence, and with intuitive action, without ever using words. 

I remember that in partnership, I need this It, manifest as electric, embodied awareness beyond the level of form. We talk, enjoy conversation and exchange of ideas, but the connection resides at the energetic level of Beingness and not within the thoughtforms; similarly, we touch, but the connection resides beyond the simplicity of shared sensations. Our connection is born and nurtured in this infinite awareness.

I remember that in partnership, I need this It, manifest as polarity. I need to experience my Divine Feminine and my Divine Masculine energies weaving, dancing seamlessly, flowing forever within, into, and through your own Divine Feminine and Divine Masculine.

—

Oh, Divine and Embodied Being, I am so deeply grateful to you, and for you. I didn’t know I needed this, and that I needed you to show me this. You are a most precious treasure, a priceless gift. 

I’m grateful that you see, reflect, and treasure the elements I most value in myself, the elements that make me, “me,” the Authentic Self. I’m happy you’re as into me, and as into this, as I am. 

I don’t attach, cling, grasp at or tighten my palm around the mystical creature that you are. We’ll continue making our magic until perhaps the winds of time shift again, and I’m okay with that. I am so grateful to continue exploring, adventuring with you in this priceless eternity of now.

Thank you, my Beloved, Dear One!

I AM THE MEDICINE | YOU ARE THE MEDICINE | WE ARE THE MEDICINE

————

N.B. I don’t engage in physical intimacy with every person (or even most people) with whom I am capable of connecting. I’m able to meet most anyone where they are. Doesn’t mean I’m going to. My discernment in this regard is a reflection of Highest Self, Intuitive Knowing. 

Just because I can, doesn’t mean I will.

Kay, thanks for reading! ;)