On Being in an Asexual Orgasm Loop

This Saturday (1/12/19), I experienced a psycho-physical event unlike any I’d ever had. Because it stands outside the realm of rational explanation (much like when the cup moved, thus seemingly breaking the laws of physics, per an earlier post here), I’ll simply describe it here.

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We were driving back home after a long day spent outside exploring John’s Canyon on Cedar Mesa. It was a truly perfect day, steeped in deep gratitude and appreciation of the landscape and my partner, and awareness of the interconnectedness of minds and bodies and the land. What had started as an adventure at the crack of dawn was now drawing to a close with the setting sun. I was feeling completely fulfilled, brimming with peaceful, expansive joy and well being. And then we turned the corner on the Moki (Moqui) Dugway, at the edge of Cedar Mesa, overlooking Monument Valley and Valley of the Gods.

Bam. It hit me. The vastness. The colors. The forms. The expanse of non-forms.

Can we please stop? We pulled over. I jumped out of the car.

It started with a pulse of energy originating at the top-back of my head and running down my spine. The body electric. A total non-local orgasm. My heart leapt to fill the space of non-form, and my awareness cracked open. My breath quickened alongside my heart rate. Goosebumps covered my skin and I shivered deep into the core of my being even though I wasn’t cold. I felt like laughing and crying and exploding into stardust — completely present, totally embodied, aware beyond comprehension, and transcendent — all at the same time. Speechless. Thoughtless. Full of Beingness. When one pulse of energy flowed through another began, deep rolling waves on an infinite ocean of bliss.

Wow.

At some point we sat at the edge of the ledge, holding hands, and kissed. I dissolved completely. I experienced his consciousness as my own. His warmth was my own. The awe and wonder and overwhelm were my own. Perfection, perfection, perfection upon perfection in one infinitely streaming present moment. There was nothing to add, there was nothing to take away. I wasn’t just there — I was everywhere.

Suddenly (was it minutes later, or was this still eternity?), I became aware of the freezing temperature and felt a little cold. Let’s head back.

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The waves of energy kept rolling through my mind-body complex, over and over and over again, peaking for the next hour if not longer. It was like experiencing a seemingly endless mind-body orgasm of infinite magnitude.

Wow. What is happening to me? I wanted to ask him, when the little intellectual module of individual mind coalesced enough to process.

I couldn’t stop.

Oh, God, please help me, I prayed.

It wouldn’t stop.

It wasn’t just happening to me, it was happening through me.

It didn’t stop.